May 24, 2011
May 17, 2011
You Need A Tie
.
This guy wants to go into this hip new nightclub but the bouncer says, "Sorry, bud, you need a tie to enter this place."
Our hero goes back to his car and rummages around, but there's no necktie to be found.
Finally, in desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle free.
Back to the nightclub he goes, where the bouncer takes a long look at him and says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything."
.
This guy wants to go into this hip new nightclub but the bouncer says, "Sorry, bud, you need a tie to enter this place."
Our hero goes back to his car and rummages around, but there's no necktie to be found.
Finally, in desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle free.
Back to the nightclub he goes, where the bouncer takes a long look at him and says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything."
.
May 10, 2011
The Mechanic
.
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.
So how come I earn £ 25,000 a year and you earn £125,000 when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."
.
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.
So how come I earn £ 25,000 a year and you earn £125,000 when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."
.
May 6, 2011
NO SEX SINCE 1955
.
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major and asked,
'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very Serious man. Is something bothering you?'
'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, ''It looks like you have seen a lot of action?''
''Yes,ma'am, a lot of action.'
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?'
'1955,' he replied.
'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need To chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!
She led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and Said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, 'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'
.
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major and asked,
'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very Serious man. Is something bothering you?'
'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, ''It looks like you have seen a lot of action?''
''Yes,ma'am, a lot of action.'
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?'
'1955,' he replied.
'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need To chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!
She led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and Said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, 'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'
.
May 5, 2011
Desert Island Dayz
.
A chemist, an engineer and an economist are stranded on a deserted island. They carry with them some canned food but have no ordinary means of opening the cans.
The chemist suggests gathering some wood and starting a fire and then holding the cans over the heat, counting on the expanding contents to burst open the cans.
The engineer thinks it would be better to try smashing the cans open with some of the rocks lying around.
The economist begins, "Assume we had a can opener..."
.
A chemist, an engineer and an economist are stranded on a deserted island. They carry with them some canned food but have no ordinary means of opening the cans.
The chemist suggests gathering some wood and starting a fire and then holding the cans over the heat, counting on the expanding contents to burst open the cans.
The engineer thinks it would be better to try smashing the cans open with some of the rocks lying around.
The economist begins, "Assume we had a can opener..."
.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
