He Might Want Some Sauce As Well!

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A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 

"Good morning," said the young man."If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

''Go away!'' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' and she proceeded to close the door. 

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.

''Don't be too hasty!'' he said. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.'' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. 

"Now if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." 

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."
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Assorted Jokes!

Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.

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Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

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I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

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Just had my water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.

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Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said

white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes. I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.

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Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.

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IT’S A BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY" And with tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!!

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In the first few days of the Olympics the light fingered athlete’s took gold, silver, bronze, copper & lead.

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Sailing results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged couple from Weymouth

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A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?' Granny replies, bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!

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Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?' Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex. Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement. Dad says, 'So what were you watching?' Billy says, ' Wimbledon .....'

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An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?' He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

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The Difference.......