Did you hear
about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and
be Mary.
---
Since the
snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any
worse, I'll have to let her in.
---
I've been
charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only
intended to rough him up a bit.
---
Just had my
water bill of £175 drop on my mat. That's a lot. Oxfam can supply a whole
African village for just £2 a month: time to change supplier I think.
---
Two women
called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said
white they
gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes. I think they
were those Hovis Witnesses.
---
Seven
wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested
positive for WD40.
---
A mummy
covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe
it may be Pharaoh Roche.
---
IT’S A
BOY" I shouted "A BOY, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, IT’S A BOY" And with
tears streaming down my face I swore I'd never visit another Thai Brothel!!!
---
In the first
few days of the Olympics the light fingered athlete’s took gold, silver, bronze,
copper & lead.
---
Sailing
results are in, GB took gold, USA took silver and Somalia took a Middle aged
couple from Weymouth
---
A boy asks
his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?' Granny replies,
bugger the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!
---
Little Billy
asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy
comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?' Dad looks horrified and
tells Billy all about sex. Billy just sat there with his mouth open in
amazement. Dad says, 'So what were you watching?' Billy says, ' Wimbledon
.....'
---
An elderly
couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says
to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?' He
replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
---
.
