Dinner

The Whole Venus and Mars Thing

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realising that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least she knows I'm smarter than her.

The Church Gossip

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, she kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Martin, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pick-up parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Martin (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

Martin, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, Martin quietly parked his pick-up in front of Mildred's house....... walked home ............................ and left it there all night.

You gotta love Martin.

In A Large Company

A large company recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now", said the HR manager during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees".

The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, yesterday one of our Admin girls has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads indicating "no".

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the Admin chick?"

A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool!!!!! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and Supervisors and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone important!!!!"