November 25, 2011

The Knob

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A woman in her thirties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.

Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful-the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems.
"All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.

"The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

"No point asking about the beard then..........!"

November 21, 2011

The Robot

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A dad buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner. "Son, where were you today?" The son says "at school dad." Robot slaps the son! "Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!" "What dvd?" "Toy story." Robot slaps the son again! "Ok, it was a porno" cries the son. "What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad. Robot slaps the dad! Mum laughs "Ha Ha Ha! He's certainly your son." Robot slaps the mum.
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November 12, 2011

Too Smart?

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A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.  

His father said he'd make a deal with his son: 'You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car.'
  


The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
  


After about six weeks his father said, 'Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut. 


The boy said, 'You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair...and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.'
  

To this his father replied,
'Did you also notice they walked everywhere they went?'

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November 9, 2011

They grow up so fast!

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Our little girl is growing up !!

BIRTHDAY REMINDER!

This week we celebrate a special birthday.

Monica Lewinsky turns 50.

Can you believe it? 

It seems like only yesterday, she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, putting everything in her mouth......
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November 5, 2011

Wedded Bliss

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A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long.

Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well.

Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, "What's that?", pointing to a small part of his anatomy.

He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night."

And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?
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