March 24, 2009

Australia Factoids


These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website - a Melbourne University Tourism Studies student working in the summer holidays answered.....

  • Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

  • Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

  • Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    A. Sure, it's only three thousand miles, but take lots of water...

  • Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

  • Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    A: What, did your last slave die of?

  • Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
    A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Australia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.. Come naked.

  • Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
    A: Face South and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

  • Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

  • Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Austria is that quaint little country bordering Germany, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

  • Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
    A: You are a British politician, correct?

  • Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

  • Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    A: No, WE don't stink.

  • Q: Can you tell me the regions in Australia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

  • Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    A: Only at Christmas.

  • Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
    A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

  • Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

  • Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in America which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets. [ WARNING: Australian snakes are *NOT* harmless ].

  • Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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