May 24, 2011
May 17, 2011
You Need A Tie
.
This guy wants to go into this hip new nightclub but the bouncer says, "Sorry, bud, you need a tie to enter this place."
Our hero goes back to his car and rummages around, but there's no necktie to be found.
Finally, in desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle free.
Back to the nightclub he goes, where the bouncer takes a long look at him and says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything."
.
This guy wants to go into this hip new nightclub but the bouncer says, "Sorry, bud, you need a tie to enter this place."
Our hero goes back to his car and rummages around, but there's no necktie to be found.
Finally, in desperation, he takes his jumper cables, wraps them around his neck, ties a nice knot, and lets the ends dangle free.
Back to the nightclub he goes, where the bouncer takes a long look at him and says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in. But don't start anything."
.
May 10, 2011
The Mechanic
.
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.
So how come I earn £ 25,000 a year and you earn £125,000 when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."
.
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new.
So how come I earn £ 25,000 a year and you earn £125,000 when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."
.
May 6, 2011
NO SEX SINCE 1955
.
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major and asked,
'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very Serious man. Is something bothering you?'
'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, ''It looks like you have seen a lot of action?''
''Yes,ma'am, a lot of action.'
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?'
'1955,' he replied.
'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need To chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!
She led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and Said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, 'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'
.
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major and asked,
'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very Serious man. Is something bothering you?'
'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, ''It looks like you have seen a lot of action?''
''Yes,ma'am, a lot of action.'
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?'
'1955,' he replied.
'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need To chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!
She led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and Said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing at his watch, 'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'
.
May 5, 2011
Desert Island Dayz
.
A chemist, an engineer and an economist are stranded on a deserted island. They carry with them some canned food but have no ordinary means of opening the cans.
The chemist suggests gathering some wood and starting a fire and then holding the cans over the heat, counting on the expanding contents to burst open the cans.
The engineer thinks it would be better to try smashing the cans open with some of the rocks lying around.
The economist begins, "Assume we had a can opener..."
.
A chemist, an engineer and an economist are stranded on a deserted island. They carry with them some canned food but have no ordinary means of opening the cans.
The chemist suggests gathering some wood and starting a fire and then holding the cans over the heat, counting on the expanding contents to burst open the cans.
The engineer thinks it would be better to try smashing the cans open with some of the rocks lying around.
The economist begins, "Assume we had a can opener..."
.
April 26, 2011
Australian Drink quotes
.
None of the men who in this country have left footprints behind them have been cold water men. Sir John Robertson
Beer makes you feel how you ought to feel without beer. Henry Lawson
Never have I seen such enthusiasm for water - and so little of it drunk. Sir George Reid when opening the Kalgoorlie pipeline.
Des will spend about 30 hours in the water on this swim. It's not natural for a man to go that long without a beer. Barry Rodgers, trainer of long distance swimmer Des Redford, speaking as his champion prepared to swim from Newcastle to Sydney.
The population of Sydney (circa 1806) was divided into two classes, those who sold rum and those who drank it. Dr George Macakness
Eventually every house in the (North Sydney) area will have a bottle collection crate and we'll be collecting more than Mosman. And the mayor told me, they're much bigger pisspots over here. Ron Walters
The advertising industry lives a very cyclical life. December is the month for getting pissed John Singleton
This feat was to endear me to some of my fellow Australians more than anything else I ever achieved. Bob Hawke in reference to his great beer drinking achievement.
.
None of the men who in this country have left footprints behind them have been cold water men. Sir John Robertson
Beer makes you feel how you ought to feel without beer. Henry Lawson
Never have I seen such enthusiasm for water - and so little of it drunk. Sir George Reid when opening the Kalgoorlie pipeline.
Des will spend about 30 hours in the water on this swim. It's not natural for a man to go that long without a beer. Barry Rodgers, trainer of long distance swimmer Des Redford, speaking as his champion prepared to swim from Newcastle to Sydney.
The population of Sydney (circa 1806) was divided into two classes, those who sold rum and those who drank it. Dr George Macakness
Eventually every house in the (North Sydney) area will have a bottle collection crate and we'll be collecting more than Mosman. And the mayor told me, they're much bigger pisspots over here. Ron Walters
The advertising industry lives a very cyclical life. December is the month for getting pissed John Singleton
This feat was to endear me to some of my fellow Australians more than anything else I ever achieved. Bob Hawke in reference to his great beer drinking achievement.
.
April 18, 2011
Emergency Calls From Memphis USA
.
EMERGENCY CALLS: NO WONDER THE POLICE ARE AFRAID TO COME!!
Believe it or not... These are Memphis, TN 's REAL 911 Calls!
Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
------------
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
------------
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one.
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
------------
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
------------
And the winner is........And My Personal Favourite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1.
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No.
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
.
EMERGENCY CALLS: NO WONDER THE POLICE ARE AFRAID TO COME!!
Believe it or not... These are Memphis, TN 's REAL 911 Calls!
Dispatcher : 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?
------------
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller : Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher : Excuse me?
Caller : I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher : Was anything else taken?
Caller : No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!
------------
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one.
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
------------
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
------------
And the winner is........And My Personal Favourite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1.
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No.
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
.
April 3, 2011
The Nation Bankrupting Network
.
The National Broadband Network (NBN) will one day be finally built. Costs are soaring out of control and must be covered so the nation may end up bankrupt.
But that’s OK, you can download the news of the country going under faster than ever before.
That’s if you can afford to be connected to the NBN that is………..
Since the success of the NBN requires people to connect to it the government will announce a Broadband Stimulus (BS). They will have to sell their BS to parliament and after that they will completely BS the nation.
All they will talk will be BS and if the BS fails to get the numbers the NBN needs expect more BS to come.
Even that amount of BS probably won’t help the NBN so there will be even more BS again and again.
And there’ll probably be more BS in the years to come as well, there’ll be nothing but BS coming from Canberra.
The BS is not likely to end. In fact I think the BS was coming from there long before they even thought of the NBN.
.
The National Broadband Network (NBN) will one day be finally built. Costs are soaring out of control and must be covered so the nation may end up bankrupt.
But that’s OK, you can download the news of the country going under faster than ever before.
That’s if you can afford to be connected to the NBN that is………..
Since the success of the NBN requires people to connect to it the government will announce a Broadband Stimulus (BS). They will have to sell their BS to parliament and after that they will completely BS the nation.
All they will talk will be BS and if the BS fails to get the numbers the NBN needs expect more BS to come.
Even that amount of BS probably won’t help the NBN so there will be even more BS again and again.
And there’ll probably be more BS in the years to come as well, there’ll be nothing but BS coming from Canberra.
The BS is not likely to end. In fact I think the BS was coming from there long before they even thought of the NBN.
.
March 26, 2011
Ants
.
The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?"
One child was ready with the answer, "They don't have a union."
.
The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?"
One child was ready with the answer, "They don't have a union."
.
March 23, 2011
Four Worms
.
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation -
'What did you learn from this demonstration?'
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,
'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms.'
.
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation -
'What did you learn from this demonstration?'
Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,
'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms.'
.
March 22, 2011
.
Bumper sticker seen on an Austin Mini:
The parts falling from this car are of the finest British workmanship.
In front of a church:
Remember, Detroit is not the only place that the Maker can recall his product.
Bumper sticker seen on a stealth bomber:
If you can read this, then we wasted 50 billion bucks.
Classified Ad:
Nordic Track $300
Hardly Used
Call Chubbie
On the side of a truck:
Bill's Septic Cleaning
We Haul American Made Products
On a bumper sticker:
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
In a newspaper ad for a used car dealer:
Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Seen on a bumper sticker:
Forget about World Peace ... Visualize using your turn signal!
Classified Ad:
Free Puppies:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel-
1/2 Sneaky Neighbour's Dog.
.
Bumper sticker seen on an Austin Mini:
The parts falling from this car are of the finest British workmanship.
In front of a church:
Remember, Detroit is not the only place that the Maker can recall his product.
Bumper sticker seen on a stealth bomber:
If you can read this, then we wasted 50 billion bucks.
Classified Ad:
Nordic Track $300
Hardly Used
Call Chubbie
On the side of a truck:
Bill's Septic Cleaning
We Haul American Made Products
On a bumper sticker:
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
In a newspaper ad for a used car dealer:
Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
Seen on a bumper sticker:
Forget about World Peace ... Visualize using your turn signal!
Classified Ad:
Free Puppies:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel-
1/2 Sneaky Neighbour's Dog.
.
March 21, 2011
Dear Diary
.
DEAR DIARY - DAY 1
All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.
Our local Women's Guild decided on this "all-girls" trip.
It will be my first one, - and I can't wait!
---------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 2
Entire day at sea, beautiful.
Saw whales and dolphins.
Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.
-------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 3
At the pool today.
Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck.
Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner.
Felt honoured and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.
-----------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 4
Won $800.00 in the ship's casino.
Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin.
Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne.
He asked me to stay the night, but I declined.
Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.
---------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 5
Pool again today.
Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day.
Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks.
Really is quite charming.
Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night.
Again I declined.
He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship... I was shocked.
---------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 6
Today I saved 1600 lives.
Twice.
.
DEAR DIARY - DAY 1
All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.
Our local Women's Guild decided on this "all-girls" trip.
It will be my first one, - and I can't wait!
---------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 2
Entire day at sea, beautiful.
Saw whales and dolphins.
Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.
-------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 3
At the pool today.
Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck.
Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner.
Felt honoured and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.
-----------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 4
Won $800.00 in the ship's casino.
Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin.
Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne.
He asked me to stay the night, but I declined.
Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.
---------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 5
Pool again today.
Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day.
Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks.
Really is quite charming.
Again asked me to visit his cabin for the night.
Again I declined.
He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship... I was shocked.
---------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 6
Today I saved 1600 lives.
Twice.
.
March 20, 2011
Health Care
.
If you can’t afford a doctor, go to an airport. You’ll get a free x-ray and a pat down and if you mention Al Queda you'll get a colonoscopy.
.
If you can’t afford a doctor, go to an airport. You’ll get a free x-ray and a pat down and if you mention Al Queda you'll get a colonoscopy.
.
March 3, 2011
Footy Time
.
Man said to his wife "Alright you sexy thing, bedroom now."
She looked at him and said, "Ooh, you kinky bastard."
He said, "No, seriously, the footy’s about to start.
.
Man said to his wife "Alright you sexy thing, bedroom now."
She looked at him and said, "Ooh, you kinky bastard."
He said, "No, seriously, the footy’s about to start.
.
February 13, 2011
Alcohol Labels
.
Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a idiot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your Ass kicked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel Gode.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
.
Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a idiot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your Ass kicked.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel Gode.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
.
February 8, 2011
Why Condoms?
.
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex...
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.
He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, 'Oh Mum! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'
.
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex...
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.
He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying, 'Oh Mum! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'
.
November 7, 2010
November 5, 2010
Great Moments in History
.
This moment in history is from a group photo of the Boston Beaneaters and New York Giants Baseball Teams. Charles Radbourn (back row, far left) gives the finger to cameraman. First photographed instance of someone giving the finger, 29 April 1886
This moment in history is from a group photo of the Boston Beaneaters and New York Giants Baseball Teams. Charles Radbourn (back row, far left) gives the finger to cameraman. First photographed instance of someone giving the finger, 29 April 1886
October 15, 2010
Looks of Disappointment
.
A man was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're beautiful.' Then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're cute.' The wife was disappointed because instead of 'beautiful,' it was now 'cute.'
She asked, 'What happened to beautiful?'
The man replied, 'The drugs are wearing off.'
.
A man was just waking up from anaesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're beautiful.' Then he fell asleep again.
His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, 'You're cute.' The wife was disappointed because instead of 'beautiful,' it was now 'cute.'
She asked, 'What happened to beautiful?'
The man replied, 'The drugs are wearing off.'
.
October 6, 2010
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